Lawak Nogori Sombilan Sempeno Puaso

LAWAK NOGORI SOMBILAN SEMPENO PUASO...
Hahaha dh baco jgn ekau golak guling guling lak waghih....
Ni ceghito bonar. Di ceghito an turun temurun. Koba eh, bolaku di tahun 50an. Lokasi eh di noghori 9. Zaman maghin sughau dibuek daghi buluh. Buluh tu di bolah duo. Dingding eh buluh.. lantai eh buluh.. tanggo eh buluh.. Atap eh yo ghumbiyo. Tibo time solat, adolah jomaah tiap2 waktu kek sughau tu. Dapek la 7,8 oghang jo dongan soghang imam yg dh tuo dan uzur. Tapi taat jadi imam. Nak jadi an cito, satu insiden yg tak pornah terjadi. Maso tahyat akhir, imam tetibo monangih. Toesak2. Monitik air mato. Makmum pun turut sobak jadi eh. Kompom dapek lailatur qadar nih. Tapi dek lamo eh monangih, makmum dah mulo polik. Kok yo pun sobak, dapek lailatul qadar, apo pasal tak boghi salam dari tadi? Kaki dah somut2. Tak ghaso apo dah ni. Dek tak dapek nahan sabar, soghang makmum bangkeh bangun. Molughu kek pak imam. "Apo kono eh mam?Lailatul Qadar ko?".... "Lailatul qadar abah ko....Tolo den tosopit kek colah buluh ni aaa.."������

We must act like Rasyid

"Saya ada RM 1, awak ada RM 1. Kalau kita tukar suka sama suka RM 1 itu, kita masih lagi ada RM 1 masing-masing..

Tapi, kalau saya ada 1 ilmu dan awak 1 ilmu, kemudian kita betukar-tukar ilmu itu, masing-masing akan ada 2 ilmu.." kata Rasyid. *Rasyid memang bijak !*

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Rasyid selalu baca Quran dan terjemahnya sekali. Kalau sibuk sgt pon, dia akan baca plg kurang 1 ayat, dan terjemahnya kasi faham. Kenapa? Sbb *belajar 1 ayat Ayat Quran lebih baik dari Solat Sunat 100 Rakaat*. MasyaAllah pintarnya Rasyid ni !!

(Rujukan HR Ibnu Majah No.215)

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Rasyid nak solat banyak2 sepanjang malam. Tapi dia tak mampu, sbb dia hobi tidur. Tapi Rasyid Solat Subuh berjemaah di Masjid setiap hari. Kenapa? Sebab dia tahu Solat Subuh berjemaah di Masjid, *pahalanya seperti Solat Seluruh Malam*. Rasyid memang bijaksana!

(Rujukan HR Muslim)

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Rasyid nak baca Quran. Tapi dia penat kerja, dan baca Quran pon merangkak2. Tapi Rasyid banyak2 baca surah Al-Ikhlas (Qulhuwallahu Ahad), setiap hari 15x paling kurang (3x lepas habis setiap Solat Fardhu). Kenapa? Sbb dia tahu *baca Surah Al Ikhlas 3x pahalanya sama seperti Khatam Quran 1x*. Rasyid memang smart!

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Rasyid bersujud ketika lihat ais krim. Maka org tnya kpd dia: kenapa sujud? Dia pun jwb: mak saya bila dia gembira dia akan sujud tanda syukur pd Ilahi.
"Perelokkanlah didikan ke atas anak²mu", kata Rasyid. Rasyid pandai!

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Rasyid tgh drive ke Bank, jem sungguh! *Mulutnya kumat-kamit*. Sampai Bank, org ramai sgt, sambil menunggu, *mulutnya kumat-kamit lg*. Rasyid tgk org2 lain semua diam sambil termenung. Seorang laki bertanya, tgh maki ke? Rasyid kata, *"Tidakkk, saya sedang beristighfar, zikir dan selawat, lebih baik drpd sy duduk termenung jew..Pahalanya AMAT BERAT, tp TAK PENAT pun..."* Org tu terbeliak, kerana sangkaan buruk sangkanya meleset. *Rasyid tersenyum kerana telah bjaya menyampaikan ilmu berguna kpdnya*

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Rasyid membaiki penghawa dingin masjid kemudian dia tolak upah yg diberi dan berkata: mak saya berpesan supya tidak ambil upah kerja utk masjid. Setiap kali org guna Masjid utk beribadah, kita dpt pahala.
Org2 kagum dgn mak dia dan saya kagum dgn kebaikannya. *Rasyid ni memang cerdiklah orangnya!!*

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Seorg org yg soleh bertanya kepada Rasyid, mengapa pergi ke masjid sblum azan.  Rasyid selamba jawab: azan utk pringatan kpd org2 yg lalai/lagho/ralik. Dan saya berharap tak tergolong dlm klgn mereka!! ( kita mohon dgn Allah akn kesejahteraan, keselamatn dunia akhirat).Org Soleh tu naik insaf! *Rasyid lebih pandai daripada org tu!*

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Aku tnya Rasyid knapa kamu sentiasa tamak minum air di masjid padahal air tu di rumah kamu pun ada?!!
Rasyid jwb: supaya org yg letak air di masjid diberi ganjaran. Aku terkedu.... *Rasyid bijakkan?*��

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Rasyid berbuka di Masjid. Kenapa? Kedekut ke Rasyid? Tidak, dia nak bantu sponsor utk dpt *Pahala Rasyid PERCUMA*, dan terus Solat Jemaah di Masjid dpt 27x darjat. Duit pon jimat. *Rasyid is sooo brilliant!!*

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Lepas berbuka di Masjid tu, Rasyid terus basuh tgn dan dalam koceknya dia keluarkan RM1. Dia masukkan dalam Peti Masjid. "Alaaa, RM1 jewww!" Kata sorg budak... Rasyid kata, "takpe la dek, abg bukan kaya sgt, tp kalau bole istiqamah dan berterusan, setiap hari buat macam ni. Buatnya malam ni Malam Lailatulqadar, *nilai RM1 tu sama macam RM21 juta!!* Budak tu terkejut dan tanya kenapa? Rasyid bawa keluar pen Kilometrico (iklan percuma) dan kertas, dan tulis:

RM1 x 700 ganjaran sedekah x 1,000 bulan x 30 hari
=RM21,000,000

*Budak tu terus cium tgn Rasyid, sbb kagum Rasyid bukan aja pandai Agama, malah pandai Add Math!!*

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Rasyid tahu betapa besarnya pahala sedekah, kerana firman Allah, "...wahai Tuhanku, alangkah baiknya Engkau lambatkan kedatangan ajalku ke suatu masa yg sedikit saja lagi, supaya aku dpt bersedekah....." - (surah Al Munafiqun:10), bermakna org yg dah mati kalau dihidupkan balik utk buat 1 amalan saja, dia akan pilih *sedekah kerana sedekah pahala amalannya bole membiak*.

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Rasyid nak nap sekejap, sbb letih. Dia nap di Masjid. Dan dia niat iktikaf sebaik sahaja masuk Masjid. Kenapa? Sbb dapat pahala iktikaf walaupun tidur. *Rasyid is clever as always!*

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Rasyid hormat ibubapanya. Kalau ada apa2 yg dia tak sehati dgn ibunya, dia akan berbincang secara baik. Dia takkan meninggikan suara, atau cakap "Aaahh" kat Maknya, kerana itu derhaka namanya. *Rasyid tahu derhaka kpd ibubapa takkan bau syurga dan tidak akan dpt keberkatan Ramadhan!*

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Rasyid kata, "Bilamana sampai  kpd kamu gosip2 ttg sseorg drpd mereka maka biarlah gosip tu terhenti stakat kamu shj. Dan kalau betul terjadi berita tu berhenti stakat kamu shj, brmakna kmu telah dpt pahala tutup aib org. Barangsiapa yg tutup aib mana2 muslim, Allah akn tutup juga aib dia." *Alhamdulillah, Rasyid sungguh berilmu*

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3 doa yg Rasyid sure ingt utk dibaca semasa sujud2:-
1. Ya Allah, aku mohon dgn Mu pengakhiran yg baik.
2. Ya Allah, kurnialah kpd ku taubat nasuha sblum aku mati.
3. Wahai Allah yg membolakbalikkan hati, tetapkanlah hatiku atas agamaMu.
(Tnpa sbrang pengkhususan).
*Rasyid selalu berdoa, ikutlah Rasyid!*

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Sehinggakan bila kamu berniat utk sebarkan ucapan ini, meniatkn shj tu pun dh dikira sbg kbaikan. Moga2 dengannya Allah melepaskan kesusahan drpd kesusahan2 di dunia dan akhirat.

*Pringatn*: Buatlah baik walau sekecil kecilnya...sbb kdg2 kita *tak tahu besar mana pahalanya*. Jom ikut kehebatan Rasyid

LAW OF LIFE

*Hilarious Laws which you have not studied in schools:*

�� *Law of equality :*

The time taken by a wife when she says I'll get ready in 5 minutes  is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says 'I'll cal you in 5 minutes!
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�� *Law of Queue:*

If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
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�� *Law of Telephone:*

When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy tone.��
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�� *Law of Mechanical Repair:*

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
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�� *Law of the Workshop:*

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.��
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�� *Bath Theorem:*

When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
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�� *Law of Encounters:*

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
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�� *Law of the Result:*

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
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�� *Law of Bio mechanics:*

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
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�� *Theatre Rule:*

People with the seats at the farthest from the entry arrive last. ��
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�� *Law of Coffee:*

As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will
last until the coffee is cold. ��
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�� *Law of Proposal :*

After you accept a proposal you will get a better one...��

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�� *Law of getting late*

When you reach early for something it will never start on time����

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��  *Law of exam*

If you didn't read a page which is of least importance,  first question will be from that page only. ������

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND

In 1892 at Stanford University, an 18-year-old student was struggling to pay his fees. He was an orphan, and not knowing where to turn for money, he came up with a bright idea. He and a friend decided to host a musical concert on campus to raise money for their education.

They reached out to the great pianist Ignacy J. Paderewski. His manager demanded a guaranteed fee of $2000 for the piano recital. A deal was struck and the boys began to work to make the concert a success.
The big day arrived. But unfortunately, they had not managed to sell enough tickets. The total collection was only $1600. Disappointed, they went to Paderewski and explained their plight. They gave him the entire $1600, plus a cheque for the balance $400. They promised to honour the cheque at the soonest possible.

“No,” said Paderewski. “This is not acceptable.” He tore up the cheque, returned the $1600 and told the two boys: “Here’s the $1600. Please deduct whatever expenses you have incurred. Keep the money you need for your fees. And just give me whatever is left”. The boys were surprised, and thanked him profusely.
It was a small act of kindness. But it clearly marked out Paderewski as a great human being.
Why should he help two people he did not even know? We all come across situations like these in our lives. And most of us only think “If I help them, what would happen to me?” The truly great people think, “If I don’t help them, what will happen to them?” They don’t do it expecting something in return. They do it because they feel it’s the right thing to do.

Paderewski later went on to become the Prime Minister of Poland. He was a great leader, but unfortunately when the World War began, Poland was ravaged. There were more than 1.5 million people starving in his country, and no money to feed them. Paderewski did not know where to turn for help. He reached out to the US Food and Relief Administration for help.
He heard there was a man called Herbert Hoover — who later went on to become the US President. Hoover agreed to help and quickly shipped tons of food grains to feed the starving Polish people.
A calamity was averted. Paderewski was relieved.

He decided to go across to meet Hoover and personally thank him. When Paderewski began to thank Hoover for his noble gesture, Hoover quickly interjected and said, “You shouldn’t be thanking me Mr. Prime Minister. You may not remember this, but several years ago, you helped two young students go through college. I was one of them.”

The world is a wonderful place. What goes around comes around. Please help others to the best of your ability. In the long run you may be helping yourself. God never forgets anyone who sows a good seed in other people, never. 

Nothing in nature lives for itself. Rivers don't drink their own water. Trees don't eat their own fruit. Sun doesn't give heat for itself. Flowers don't spread fragrance for themselves. Living for others is the rule of nature. And therein lies the secret of living.

If you find this useful please pass it on.

JENAKA HARI INI

Ada seorang pesakit mental berenang dan tiba2 lemas di swimming pool. Kebetulan Ada lagi seorang pesakit mental yg berada di situ cepat2 berenang dan berjaya menyelamatkan rakannya itu. Keesokan hari nya hero itu di panggil oleh warden.

Warden: saya ada berita baik dan buruk untuk awak.

Pesakit Mental: apa dia?

Warden: pertama tahniah kerana menyelamatkan rakan anda Dari lemas. Anda akan di berikan medal keberanian kerana usaha anda itu.

Pesakit mental: terima kasih

Warden:  berita buruk, rakan anda yang selamat dari mati lemas itu dijumpai mati bunuh diri dengan mengantungkan dirinya semalam dibiliknya. Mungkin dia memang nak bunuh diri masa berenang hingga lemas semalam...

Pesakit mental:  oh taaakkk. Bukan macam tu. Semalam lepas saya keluar kan dia dari swimming pool tu, dia basah kuyup, saya gantung dia supaya cepat kering.. ....

JENAKA HARI INI

*PERMOHONAN  ISTERI*

Seorang isteri menemui sebuah lampu Aladin, dan menggosoknya hingga keluarlah jin dari lampu tersebut.

Isteri mengajukan 5 permohonan kepada jin itu :

1. Aku ingin mata suamiku hanya kepadaku,
2. Aku ingin selalu diperhatikan dan diingati oleh suamiku.
3. Aku ingin jadi milik satu-satunyanya dari suamiku.
4. Aku ingn suamiku selalu tidur di sisiku, dan
5. Aku ingin jadi yang pertama diingat oleh suamiku di pagi hari.

Jin mengabulkan permintaan tersebut dan....whuushhhhhh....
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Si isteri berubah jadi handphone  .....!!!����������

AWESOME TIPS FOR BEAUTIFUL LIFE

25 AWESOME TIPS FOR BEAUTIFUL LIFE!!!

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. & while you walk, SMILE. It is the ultimate antidepressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. When you wake up in the morning, Pray to ask God’s guidance for your purpose, today.

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, broccoli, and almonds.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

7. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

9. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Forgive them for everything !

11. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.

14. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In five years, will this matter?’

17. Help the needy, Be generous ! Be a ‘Giver’ not a ‘Taker’

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. Time heals everything.

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night before you go to bed ,Pray to God and Be thankful for what you’ll accomplish, today !

24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

25.Share this to everyone on your list to help them lead a happier life…!!!!

#jgnkataayahtakpayung